Above all, I don’t want to be doing this.
OK, not really. But what I actually am is indecisive (in all things!), and I have competing urges, like:
- Wanting to share the few bits of actual knowledge and experience that, like a salt-craving mountain goat, I’ve licked off the world
- Genuine deference to people that are smarter and more well-spoken than me
- An allergy to the self-branding of unimpressive technocrats like myself as raconteurs with “hot takes”
- Dear lord, someone is wrong on the internet
- I really, really don’t want to manage web publishing myself
- Being filled with rage by the tools that are supposed to make this easy
This site is the latest in a long tradition of these priorities flip-flopping and turning into something new. I don’t intend to say much, because I don’t have much to say.
I owe a debt of gratitude to Kyle for stealing much of his approach after a chance conversation on Mastodon. I like the idea of having a space on the internet whose goal is to conciously remove expectations and barriers of self-confidence in order to be more authentic, even mindful. We’ll see if it sticks.
The Twitter Era
Important stuff happened to me on Twitter. I found myself. I landed a job. I came out. I found the deepest, truest love I’ve ever had. So it’s not like I can forget it. I can’t defend it, either.
I was an early adopter, but I was a teenager at the time so it actually became horribly embedded into my psyche for over a decade. A number of people are recognizing the negative impact this has had on them (circa 2023). But I was there already. It killed my mood all the time, and made me worse at communicating thoughtfully. There’s dozens more reasons — many on a global scale — but those should be enough for wanting something out of your life.
Finding a Home
If you’re someone with a little technical ability, it’s en vogue to hyperobsess over your blog as one of a million eternally-unfinished side projects. (I’m not bitter.) I chafe at this for a couple of reasons, the biggest one being the way it leads me down an infinite road of bikeshedding.
I just want to have something nice, to free myself up to do the things I actually like to do, that matches my values, and that I can throw money at to solve the hard problems. In practice, ticking all those boxes is an exercise in frustration.
The popular website-in-a-box-tools are largely expressive enough, but their pricing economies suck. I am lucky enough to afford it, but throwing that money in the toilet month after month creates an unhealthy association between guilt and writing/sharing/self-promotion.
I’m aware and excited of the growing tooling on the fediverse, I simply don’t want to be a sysadmin. If I can sign in to a thing and update Debian packages, I will do it compulsively.
Micro.blog did such a good job of abstraction, but that community showed its ass being really petty and insular. Like deciding to take middling native apps and make them worse hybrid apps as a way to “get back” at app stores. I don’t actually care that much about the perceived evil of walled gardens, and it simply doesn’t make sense to pay into a walled garden I don’t like the smell of.
I’m keeping an eye on weblog.lol just because it’s so damn cute.
For now, my home is spread between here (for more permanent things) and Mastodon (for more ephemeral things).